Friday, April 10, 2009

Germs and Bees

I. Hate. Germs. Particularly germs that attack my friends. PARTICULARLY, particularly germs that attack my friends, live on them for a while, and then JUMP SHIP TO ME! GERMS, IF YOU CAN HEAR ME, PLEASE STOP. It is NOT NICE.

I'm hoping they will get the memo so that I can stop eating cough drops, because while I like cough drops sometimes, I do not like not being able to form COMPLETE SENTENCES without coughing eleven times in between.

Three, as far as I know, of my friends are currently being attacked by the STUPID, GROSS germs, and they have also come for me. I really hope that I can defeat them, but I'm really bad with battles. Though, I must say, I prefer coughing my brains out to puking. By a lot. The last time I was sick, I was puking, and THAT was not fun at ALL. Ugh, just thinking about it fills me with unhappiness.

I didn't really want to ramble about germs, and I wasn't sure what I actually wanted to say today. I feel very uninspired right now, but that might be because I'm getting attacked by the evilness that are germs.


What I finally settled on was bees. I COULD write about how bees collect pollen, make honey, how there are different types, how some chase you down, and how some are ninjas. But I'm only going to talk about how bees are ninjas, and perhaps I'll leave the "chase you down" story for another day.

Along with a ghost, my room has a tendency to attract bees. About a foot away from my window, there is a bee hive. I don't know why they chose THERE to live, because I never gave them the impression that I wanted them for window neighbors. Apparently, bees like to assume things. Also, apparently, bees like to make WRONG assumptions.

Somehow, and we still do not know how they managed to do this, but I'm suspecting they had help from my ghost, they found a way INTO MY ROOM. I woke up one morning, and apparently woke up the bee, because he zipped out of somewhere random and started to fly around my light, which, obviously, FREAKED ME OUT. Ugh. I hate things flying around me. I felt like it was watching me, so I had my mom swat it with something.

I didn't think much more of it, because random things get into houses all the time, right?

Well, it happened the next day. And the next day. And it continued happening ALL SUMMER. Almost every single day, a bee would make its way into my room, and fly around. Even after we sprayed the hive, they KEPT COMING BACK.

Also, if I didn't manage to kill them, I'd find dead bees ALL OVER MY ROOM which, as it sounds, is disgusting! I'm getting that feeling I got when I thought of puking.

All these bees had to do was NOT live in my room, and they would have lived happy bee lives, but they wanted to be NINJAS and SNEAK IN and FLY AROUND and THREATEN TO STING ME.

Miraculously, I only got stung once. Thankfully, I'm not allergic to bees. Unfortunately, it was while I was sleeping.

I don't know WHAT this bee was thinking. I think it might have had some anger management problems or SOMETHING, but I was just happily sleeping, and then it STUNG MY ARM! Seriously, I didn't do ANYTHING TO IT. I was SLEEPING and it STUNG ME!

Who DOES that?

Stupid bee.

So I went to sleep downstairs in the living room because I was attacked IN MY SLEEP by a vicious, vicious bee.

By the time winter came for real, and it was cold, they stopped coming in. I'm afraid that they'll come back again, though, come summer. Especially because I now have flowers in my room. I mean, yeah, they're dead flowers that I keep forgetting to get rid of, but they're still flowers, and bees LIKE flowers.

(They're the flowers I got after our Haiti Water Benefit Dinner, so they lasted a LOT longer than I thought they would. I don't even know why they died. Apparently they've got it out for me.)

So these ninja bees attacked me in my room, once while I was sleeping, and STILL thought it was okay to come in afterwards. I think they might be INSANE, or just have a lust for danger.

I can see the headlines now.

Bees Gone Wild
[If I was any good at/had Photoshop, this is where I would have made a picture of a couple bees wearing biker helmets and leather jackets, holding flame throwers and ninjas. Yes, ninjas, because these bees are so badass that they can CATCH NINJAS.]

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