Monday, September 28, 2009


What is this? My third week of college and I've only blogged ONCE from here? Can you say ASHLEY FAIL MODE? I can. I've actually said it a LOT while here, especially at the beginning where my only plan was to watch He's Just Not That Into You five thousand times until I got internet. However, thankfully, things have changed significantly and life at college is exponentially better than it was before.

Granted, I still want to go home, and I've done so these past two weekends, but I'm sticking it out. I have to, otherwise there's no way I would be able to survive. Lets start with the depressing things, shall we?

Like I said, I went home these past two weekends. Being at home itself wasn't depressing at all. In fact, it was the most fun I've had since college began. After that first FREAKING PACKED weekend, they have a few things (like movie nights Friday and Sunday. So far I've seen Up and a bit of Star Trek. <3)>

I got home late Friday night and went right up to my room to post a vlog about it. Which, actually, is something I'm becoming addicted to. Should I post those, too? Or just text blogs? Whatever, and then Saturday I went to a birthday party and had the time of my life.

The thing is, even though I had SO MUCH FUN with all of my friends from home, it just made coming back to college even harder. The night I got back, that Sunday, I felt kind of car sick (which is weird, because I usually don't get car sick). I had to leave Star Trek early because I thought I was going to throw up. Thankfully, I didn't, but when I got back to my room, I went into major freak out mode, covered myself in a blanket, and just cried and complained to everyone for a while. I wanted to go home. And I wanted to go home right then.

In fact, I told my mom that if I threw up that night, I was going home and I wasn't going back to school.

I GUESS you could say I was being a bit dramatic. But I was SAD and I missed my FRIENDS and living in the computer just DOESN'T CUT IT. I'm SORRY. Attacking them with hugs though, that was fun. Lots of fun.

This weekend it was the same thing. I got home earlier this time and went to my high school's homecoming football game where I saw A LOT MORE PEOPLE than I expected to see, so, of course, there was a lot of hugging going on there. Saturday was just NONSENSE. I can't even BEGIN to explain. It might actually need it's own blog post. I will give you some key words though.

Mustaches. Subs. Yellow cars. Coinstar. Walmart. Dressy clothes. Rain. A Very Potter Musical. The Bunkers.

You can make your own assumptions on what happened that day/night.

Then on Sunday, I went up to my aunt's house early because my cousin was having a birthday party (she's two) and she needed help getting ready for it. Organizing birthday parties is NOT easy with two two year olds and a five year old.

Oh, did I mention my mom was out of town for the entire weekend? So I didn't get to see her until Sunday, the day of the party, and only for about half an hour? Yeah, that sucked a lot.

When I was leaving, merely half an hour after the party actually started because I had to get back to school early, it was POURING. I was afraid my windshield wipers wouldn't make it through the rain because... well, because it's my car and my car isn't the most RELIABLE of cars. I love it, yes, but... *headdesk*

Anyway, as I was running out to get to my car, it was pouring, and I realized that I hardly got to see my mom, so I started crying. I had half a mind to just NOT go back to school. I would just call my dad and have the following conversation:

"Hey, Dad. Listen, I know you're busy tonight, and mom offered to take me up to school after the party. Is that cool?"
"Yeah, Ash, that's fine. Did you get your laundry done?"
"Yeah, most of it."
"Okay, call or text me when you get back."
"Will do, thanks, Dad."

And then I would hide in my closet for a while, perhaps over night and then just pop out Monday morning and yell, "SURPRISE" to my mom while she was getting ready for work. It seemed like a stable plan, don't you think?

Yeah, well, I didn't do that. Instead, I went back to school and wrote a three page paper on Not that I have a problem with that. I mean, I was EXHAUSTED, so I had to take a nap, but I got the paper done which was good and such.

Now, onto the happy stuff.

I hope you'll be happy to find out that I've made some friends! Not just hey-we're-new-and-no-one-has-friends-so-I'm-going-to-talk-to-you-and-maybe-get-you're-number-JUST-IN-CASE-we-might-but-probably-won't-hang-out-eventually friends. Legit friends, who I consistently hang out with and make plans with and go to dinner with.

Basically, because there really isn't much to do here, we sit around and watch movies. But not Wall-e, even though we've tried. I've been called dibs on watching that movie with Brian, so I can't watch it with anyone else first.

They're really funny, and it makes me happy because one- yes, I can COUNT how many friends I have- of them doesn't drink at all, or do drugs, or anything which is PERFECT for me. The other, yeah, he parties, but he doesn't make us go or make us do anything, which is good.

Also, the nonpartying friend LOVES HARRY POTTER and we've joined the Harry Potter Club. The sorting ceremony is on Sunday and I'm, obviously, rooting for HUFFLEPUFF. I don't know how they're going to do this, but I'm pumped anyway. It's. Going. To be. AWESOME.

Other than hanging out and not having time for reading and lots of homework, I JUST TODAY got my tv to work, which makes me a lot more comfortable because I miss the mindlessness it can give me.

I would ramble more (REMIND ME ABOUT the drugs- not that I've used because GOD NO, but that I've seen... that sounds weird. JUST REMIND ME, OKAY?!) but I've got Spanish homework to do and, well, tv means procrastination, m'dears.

Oh. I got a hat. It's really cute.

Spanish homework! Next time I vlog, I'll post it up here, okay? Alright.


Tuesday, September 8, 2009

*yawns* *waves to blog* Blog, where should I start? Should I go in order, from when we drove here, or should I just talk about the interesting things, like buying a yacht,* OTD (Obsessive Tweeting Disorder), lack of interwebs, and more? I'll give you the beginning in a nutshell.

Basically, when I got to college, I was alright. My family was still here, my cousin thing came along and tried to help me meet people (fail, mostly), and I was still in the mind set that I would be
going home with them. It sucks when you realize that you aren't. It sucks a lot. My mom and I are really close, so when she was all, "Sorry, kid, we're leaving now. See you on Thanksgiving,"* I kind of freaked out a little. There were tears, and lots of tissues and lots of picture taking, because apparently on emotional days like these she decides that her actual career is as a photographer and she absolutely had to document this.

Needless to say, I wanted to keep crying for the rest of the night. I just wanted to go to sleep. Who cares about making friends, right? I have friends! Just because they're not here with me right now doesn't mean they aren't there. I actually told my mom that I was going to quit school, live at home, and get a job to support gas money and bus fare so that I could just constantly visit them.

This was all before she even left.

Clearly I was sooo prepared.
But she made me go downstairs. It was time for dinner (wasn't hungry) and it would be a good time to meet people. My roommate was already down there, and I found her on the sidewalk. She had just said good bye to her parents, too, so it was kind of awkward and we were both really upset, but we went to dinner anyway. (Long story short about dinner: The line was long. We met a couple people around us. Ate with them. Went back to the room. She read. I watched He's Just Not That Into You. Fantastic movie. Except when you watch it three nights in a row.)

Here's the internet story. One of the first things I did after I unpacked and my family and I were just lounging around my room, was check to see how the internet worked. See, the thing is, it didn't. That automatically was a cue for a Freak Out. I had lots of those. If you saw my Twitter at all, you know I had at least eight. So here I am. In my room with my family. And I don't have internet. "But that's where your friends live!" you're saying to me. I know.

I went up to the tech room to figure out why this was happening, thinking it must have something to do with my computer, maybe they just needed to push a button. Hahahaha. In reality, we had to go to a 2 hour course two days later to install a program for security reasons. Do you know what that means? That means I had to wait TWO WHOLE DAYS in a completely NEW SCHOOL without ANY FRIENDS WITHOUT THE INTERNET. Do you KNOW HOW HORRIBLE THAT IS? When the guy told me, I almost had a freak out RIGHT THERE. I said thanks, left, and put my sunglasses back on because I thought I would start crying. Do you understand the seriousness of the situation now?


OTD is a direct result of not having internet. It was the only way I could let people know I was alive (you know, other than texting them...). All I could do was update my Twitter via text messages. Thank god, though, I had Maureen Johnson's tweets sent to my phone. Only hers, unfortunately, but it was better than no one's at all. It was a healthy dose of insanity after much wanting to hide under a rock.

Because I didn't any form of internet available to me (at the time, I wasn't aware that the library was open. Oh, glorious revelations.) this was all I did. I didn't know you could tweet so much in just a few days. (It felt like a lot to me, anyway.) But it felt like I just fell off of the face of the earth.

Note to ALL COLLEGES OUT THERE: Get your internet stuff fixed before letting scared, friendless freshman come! It's MEAN if you do NOT.

Yacht shopping was all I could do.

The thing with new situations like this is that the people organizing it are convinced they must force you into groups and you will find your life long best friends there. See, you don't. The only reason I made friends was because of this weird situation.

We were waiting for the buses to come to go on a tour of the lake that's about ten minutes away. They were supposed to get there at 1, to take my group, and then 20 minutes later for the other group. Except that didn't happen. The buses were half an hour late, there weren't enough of them, and they took the OTHER group first.

We were put into these Dialogues Groups*** but once we got to the bus stop everyone started chatting and such. It was awkward. I tried to join in, but I'm awky, so it was kind of difficult. I mean, it's not that bad when you have one person who is just REALLY GOOD in situations like that and always keeps the conversation flowing, and the group I was in had one for a while. But then he tried to mesh our group with another one, leaving us to stand there uncomfortably when we didn't follow.

I tried to be the one who kept the conversation going by talking to Guy Who Looks Like Fishy.**** It wasn't originally supposed to just be to him, but he was the only one who really answered, even if his answers were short and kind of left the conversation hanging. It was just weird. I don't think any of us wanted to be there, so trying to force conversation was awky.

BEHIND ME I kept hearing a group of people mentioning I think it was Twilight to start with. I was tempted to join their conversation, but how do you just jump into it and expect to be accepted. So I just stood there awkwardly with the little group I was in. It felt like the only thing I really COULD do.

After a few minutes of silence, I finally heard the words Harry Potter, and right then I knew what I had to do. I didn't care if they were freaked out, I jumped up, spun around, landed in- when I say in I mean in the frame of- their circle, and said, "Are you talking about Harry Potter?!"*****

They said yes, and we hung out for the rest of the day. One of the girls I actually consistently hang out with, and we met a guy, too. We've got this little group, I guess you could say, and we just hang around, watch movies, and not eat food in my room. I don't know why. I have a TON OF FOOD BUT NO ONE WILL EAT IT.


It was nice to make friends, though. Even if I really only have 2/3. I met another guy when we were getting the stupid internet thing fixed, so we sat next to each other for 2 hours, freaking out about everything. Runa, you'll appreciate this, he loves Harry Potter and is a Hufflepuff.

I'll post another one SOON, probably tomorrow, but I've got CLASS SOON. Grawr. Class sucks. More on that later. Au revoir, mon ami.

College Bound,
Who didn't really proof this. Sorrooo

*I understand my metaphor is lame and sucks, and shouldn't actually be CONSIDERED a metaphor at all, but bare with me, please.

**Okay, so she didn't really say that. But that's what it felt like. Even though I am GOING to see her before Thanksgiving. She couldn't (alright, I can't either) live without me for that long.

*** We have First Year Seminars, and they put us into these groups based on which one we took. I'm in the Geology one (don't ask) so mine was with all of the Geology kids.

****Not an ACTUAL fish. It was the nickname my friends had for this guy I liked in... tenth grade? Oi. *pathetic*

***** Or some variation of that.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Au Revoir

I figured I should post this before I ACTUALLY leave for school so that it is still relevant. Not that it wouldn't be relevant then, because I will still be missing my friends, but for now, while the goodbyes are happening, seems like the BETTER timing option. Also, who KNOWS how much time I'll have once I get there.

Probably lots, because I don't have too many classes, but you NEVER KNOW.

So far, amidst all of the packing, the buying of THINGS, sorting all of my stuff, the remembering to check all of my random email addresses, all of which are very important, saying goodbye is definitely the hardest part. The first time it happened, I hadn't actually REALIZED what I did until they were in the car driving away. And it's just getting worse.

I mean, they're all off at school having fun. There are only three of us left, which sucks royal hippogriff if you ask me. I keep hearing things like, "Oh, don't worry, you'll LOVE IT," which, okay, MIGHT be true, but how do they KNOW? What if I HATE it? What if I don't WANT to make new friends? What if I think the friends I have now are perfectly PERFECT in every way?

It's like accidentally finding a car and taking it in and realizing, hey, not only is this car reliable, it has never done ANYTHING wrong. It might, actually, need to be knighted for the amazing deeds it has done as An Awesome Car. But then the time comes where people are telling you that you need to try new things. Perhaps you should learn to drive a boat. Maybe you should buy a yacht, even though you are PERFECTLY HAPPY with this car. Why do you NEED a yacht? It's not necessary. But you have to. You have to learn to sail. Or drive a boat. Whatever. What happens if you can't find a yacht you're happy with, and all you want is your car?

I like the car I have now (figuratively AND literally). It's lovely and has a wonderful personality. Sure, sometimes it gets a little difficult to understand, but it always goes back to normal, nothing bad to be said. I'm sure a yacht would be fun, but I don't NEED one.

On the bright side, we're trying to pack a lot of stuff into the last days. Which includes sock puppets, Taco Bell, TBK, Birthday presents (THAT I HAVE TO FINISH, OMG), Inglorious Basterds (awesome movie!), 500 Days of Summer (I wish. Also an awesome movie), and just plain insanity.

But now I've got to say GOODBYE, and that kind of sucks, right? Right. So many happening tomorrow, and then the hardest ones actually happening THAT DAY. The day I leave. And I have to get up at 5 in the morning, to leave my house- my HOME- and go live in a small room, learning really hard stuff, meeting new people (which I'm sure you'll hear all about) and having nothing familiar around me. At all.

Now, please tell me again WHY college is a good idea? Just, just give me one reason, alright?

Sleepyyyy, surrounded by Stuff, folding clothes, and panicking, I'll write more when I've got more to say.